I often hear that depression is something you can’t “Get over” which I don’t necessarily agree with. The goal isn’t to get over anything, but to go through it. Depression is something more and more people are talking about today and I can appreciate the media coverage on it, however I wish there was more coverage on the ways to help it.
Woman sitting sadly, in black and white
Let’s be honest: depression can make even the simplest things feel exhausting. Getting out of bed, answering a text, taking a shower, making dinner, or doing the laundry can suddenly feel like climbing a mountain. Things you used to enjoy might not feel the same, and sometimes you might not even understand why you feel the way you do.
When you’re in that headspace, it can be easy to feel like depression is running the show. You might start putting things off, withdrawing from people, or telling yourself you’ll do something once you feel better. Before you know it, days have passed, your to-do list has grown, and you feel even more overwhelmed than you did before.
So, how do you stop depression from running your life?
While I can’t sit here and tell you that I have one really special cure-all, I can say that things can get better. I know, it’s cliché. And when you’re struggling, hearing that things will get better doesn’t always make you feel any better in the moment. Sometimes, you don’t need another person telling you to stay positive. You need someone to acknowledge that things are hard and help you figure out what to do next.
The goal isn't to wake up tomorrow feeling completely different. It’s to start building small habits that help you reconnect with yourself, your needs, and your life, even when depression is making that difficult.
1. Start by Getting to Know Yourself Again
When was the last time you stopped and genuinely asked yourself how you were doing?
Not the automatic “I'm fine” you give someone in passing. Not the answer you give because you don't want to explain what's going on. I mean actually checking in with yourself.
Depression can make it difficult to recognize what you're feeling or what you need. You might feel irritable without realizing you're overwhelmed, exhausted without recognizing how much you've been carrying, or disconnected without realizing how long you've been isolating yourself.
In order to begin taking care of yourself, you have to start building awareness of yourself. That means learning to notice your thoughts, emotions, and needs without immediately judging them or trying to make them disappear.
One way I encourage people to practice this is through what I call a “mindful moment.”
Every day, set three alarms on your phone. They can be morning, afternoon, and evening, or whatever times make sense for your routine. When an alarm goes off, take a moment to pause and ask yourself three questions:
How do I feel right now?
What feelings are coming up for me?
What is one small thing I can do to feel 1% better?
That last question is important. You don't have to figure out how to fix your entire day. Maybe you need a glass of water, a few minutes away from your computer, a snack, a shower, or a text conversation with someone you trust. Maybe you need to acknowledge that you're having a difficult day and give yourself permission to slow down.
The goal isn't to force yourself into a better mood. It's to become more aware of what you're experiencing and learn to respond to yourself with care.
And if you forget to check in? That's okay, too. This isn't another task to add to your list of things you're supposedly failing at. Start again when you remember.
2. Yes, I'm Going to Tell You to Go Outside
I know you don't want to hear all the obvious things doctors and psychiatrists recommend, like, “Have you gone outside, walked in the sun, and touched grass?”
Trust me, I know from experience how annoying that advice can sound when you're struggling. If getting out of bed feels impossible, being told to go for a walk isn't exactly revolutionary advice.
And yet, there is something to it.
Our bodies and brains benefit from movement, sensory stimulation, daylight, and time spent outdoors. Physical activity and exposure to natural light can support mood and sleep, while even small changes in your environment can help interrupt the feeling of being stuck in the same thoughts all day.
Notice that I said small changes.
I'm not telling you to sign up for a gym membership, wake up at 5 a.m., or suddenly become someone who hikes every weekend. You don't need a complete lifestyle makeover.
Instead, try starting with what feels manageable:
Open your curtains when you wake up.
Sit outside with your morning coffee or tea.
Take a five-minute walk around the block.
Stretch while watching your favorite show.
Step outside for a few minutes between tasks.
Put on a song you enjoy and move around your room.
If getting outside feels like too much, start by sitting near a window or opening the door and taking a few deep breaths.
The point is not to cure depression with sunshine. Depression is a real mental health condition, and it deserves more than a simplistic solution. The point is to give your mind and body small opportunities to experience something different.
You don't have to feel motivated before you begin. Sometimes, the motivation comes after you've taken that first small step.
3. Stop Waiting Until You Feel Better to Live Your Life
One of the hardest things about depression is that it can create a frustrating cycle.
You feel depressed, so you stop doing things. Because you stop doing things, you have fewer opportunities to experience connection, enjoyment, accomplishment, or a sense of purpose. Then you feel worse, which makes it even harder to do anything.
It can become a cycle of waiting.
You tell yourself you'll see your friends when you feel better. You'll clean your room when you have more energy. You'll return that phone call when you're in a better headspace. You'll start doing things again when you finally feel like yourself.
But what if you didn't have to wait?
In therapy, an approach called behavioral activation focuses on gradually reconnecting with activities that provide enjoyment, connection, meaning, or a sense of accomplishment. The idea is not to pretend you aren't depressed. It's to help you take small, intentional actions even when depression is present.
Think about something you used to enjoy or something that makes you feel a little more connected to yourself. It doesn't have to be a huge activity.
Maybe it's cooking your favorite meal, playing a video game, spending time with your pet, calling a friend, working on a hobby, or watching a movie with someone you love.
Start small enough that the activity feels possible.
If you can't manage an hour-long walk, try five minutes. If meeting a friend for dinner feels overwhelming, ask if they'd be willing to sit with you for a little while. If cleaning your entire home feels impossible, pick up five things.
You don't have to do everything. You just have to give yourself a place to start.
And remember, you might not enjoy an activity as much as you used to right away. That's okay. The goal isn't to force happiness. It's to gradually make room for experiences beyond depression.
4. Stop Treating Rest Like Something You Have to Earn
Let's talk about guilt.
When you're depressed, you might feel exhausted but struggle to let yourself rest. You look around at everything you haven't done and start telling yourself that you're lazy, unproductive, or falling behind.
Maybe you compare yourself to other people who seem to have their lives together. Maybe you feel guilty for canceling plans or frustrated that everyday tasks require so much energy.
And because you feel guilty about resting, you spend your time off criticizing yourself instead of actually recovering.
That is an exhausting cycle.
Rest is not a reward you receive after you've completed every task on your to-do list. You are allowed to need rest before everything is done. You are allowed to have a difficult day without turning it into a judgment about your character.
Try paying attention to the way you talk to yourself.
Would you call a friend lazy for struggling to get through the day while dealing with depression? Would you tell someone you love that they need to earn the right to rest?
If not, why are you holding yourself to that standard?
This doesn't mean avoiding every responsibility or giving up on things that matter to you. It means recognizing that your capacity may change from day to day and learning to work with yourself rather than constantly fighting against yourself.
Some days, success might look like finishing a project. Other days, it might look like eating something, taking a shower, or asking for help.
Both days count.
5. Make Your Life a Little Easier on Purpose
When you're struggling, everything can start to feel harder than it needs to be. Tasks pile up, decisions become overwhelming, and even figuring out what to eat can feel like too much.
Instead of asking yourself how to become more productive, try asking a different question:
How can I make this easier for myself?
You don't need to do things the hardest possible way to prove that you're trying.
If cooking feels overwhelming, keep a few easy meals available. If you struggle to remember your medication, talk with your prescriber about routines or reminders that might help. If laundry feels impossible, focus on having clean essentials rather than perfectly folding every item. If answering messages drains you, send a quick reply explaining that you're having a difficult week and will respond more fully when you can.
You can also create a small list of things that tend to help when you're feeling low. Think of it as your personal toolkit for difficult days.
Your list might include:
Drinking a glass of water.
Eating something nourishing.
Taking prescribed medication as directed.
Opening the curtains.
Putting on comfortable, clean clothes.
Listening to a familiar playlist.
Spending time with a safe person.
Completing one small task.
Taking a break without guilt.
You don't need to do everything on the list. Pick one thing that feels manageable.
When depression makes decision-making difficult, having a few options ready can take some of the pressure off. You're giving yourself support before you need to figure everything out in the moment.
6. Let Other People In
Depression can be incredibly isolating. Sometimes you withdraw because you don't have the energy to socialize. Other times, you might worry that you're a burden, that people won't understand, or that you have to feel better before you can be around anyone.
You might even tell yourself that you don't want to bring other people down.
But you don't have to navigate everything alone.
Connection doesn't have to mean explaining every thought and feeling you're experiencing. It can be as simple as sitting with someone, sending a text, watching a movie together, or letting a trusted person know that you've been having a hard time.
You could say something as simple as:
“I'm having a difficult week, and I don't really have the energy to talk about everything. Could we just spend some time together?”
Or:
“I've been feeling pretty low lately, and I could use a little extra support.”
You deserve relationships where you can show up as yourself, not just as the version of yourself who is happy, productive, and easy to be around.
And if the people in your life don't know how to support you, that doesn't automatically mean you have to handle things alone. A therapist, support group, or other trusted resource may help you find connection and develop tools for managing what you're experiencing.
7. Know When It's Time to Ask for More Support
I want to be clear about something: these strategies can be helpful, but they aren't a substitute for mental health treatment when you need it.
Depression isn't a personal failure, a lack of gratitude, or something you can always overcome by trying harder. It can affect your energy, sleep, appetite, concentration, relationships, and ability to manage everyday responsibilities.
If your symptoms persist, worsen, or interfere with your daily life, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or healthcare provider. Therapy can help you understand what you're experiencing, identify patterns that may be keeping you stuck, and develop strategies tailored to your needs. Depending on your circumstances, medication or other forms of treatment may also be helpful.
You don't have to wait until things become unbearable to ask for support. You don't have to prove that you're struggling enough, either.
And if you've tried therapy before and it wasn't a good fit, that doesn't mean therapy can't help. Different approaches and different therapeutic relationships can make a difference.
You deserve support that meets you where you are.
You Don't Have to Fix Everything Today
If there's one thing I want you to take away from this, it's that you don't have to transform your entire life to start moving forward.
You don't have to wake up tomorrow with a perfect morning routine, a clean house, a workout plan, and a completely different mindset.
Start with awareness. Check in with yourself. Notice what you need. Take one small step toward caring for yourself, even if you don't feel particularly motivated.
Some days, you might manage a lot. Other days, your 1% might look like getting out of bed and opening the curtains. Neither day determines your worth, and a difficult day doesn't erase the progress you've made.
The goal isn't to never feel depressed again or to pretend that everything is okay when it isn't. It's to build a life where depression doesn't get to make every decision for you.
You can acknowledge that you're struggling and still take a small step toward something meaningful. You can rest without giving up. You can ask for help without being a burden.
And you can begin again, as many times as you need.
You don't have to wait until you feel better to start taking care of yourself. You deserve that care right now.
If you're looking for support with depression, emotional overwhelm, or feeling stuck in patterns that are difficult to change, Thrive with Hope offers individualized, compassionate therapy to help you better understand yourself and find practical ways forward. You don't have to figure everything out on your own.